Navigating Grief: An Exploration of the Impact of Loss When Living as an Expat in the Netherlands

Living abroad can be exciting, rewarding and full of opportunities. For many people, becoming an expat in the Netherlands brings new experiences, relationships and personal growth. However, when someone we love dies while we are far from home, grief can feel particularly complicated. Alongside the sadness and loss, there may also be feelings of distance, guilt, isolation or helplessness. Being physically separated from family, friends and familiar mourning rituals can make an already painful experience even more challenging. 

For expats, loss is often experienced alongside the realities of building a life in another country. In my work with expats in the Netherlands, I often see how grief can be intensified by distance, cultural differences and the absence of familiar support systems. 

Some of the additional challenges expats may experience include: 

• Being apart from family and friends who know and understand the relationship you had with the person who has died.  

• Being away from your established support system. You may not yet have built the connections that you had back home.  

• Being unable to return in time to say goodbye in person, if this opportunity arises.  

• Being unable to attend the funeral. This may be due to financial implications, travel restrictions or other practical barriers.  

• Being in a culture that may respond to death differently, with rituals and views that may be unfamiliar or different from your own.  

• Feelings of guilt, or feeling as though you have let someone down by not being there during their final months of life, even though you are doing what feels right for you and/or your family by living abroad.  

• Missing your home country more than usual during this time of loss.  

When a Loved One Dies in the Netherlands 

Another challenge for expats can arise when a loved one dies while you are living here in the Netherlands. Losing someone in a country that is not your home can bring its own unique and complicated challenges. 

Some of these may include: 

• Navigating unfamiliar systems and administrative processes, which may feel overwhelming, particularly when you are grieving.  

• Language barriers that can make communication with professionals and services more difficult.  

• Not having a close support network nearby to help with practical arrangements or emotional support.  

• Uncertainty about local customs, traditions and funeral practices, which may be different from those in your home country.  

  
  

These additional stresses can make an already painful experience feel even more complex and isolating. 

Support During This Time 

It can be helpful to understand that grief does not follow a linear path. The Dual Process Model of Grief suggests that people naturally move back and forth between two types of experiences. At times we focus on the loss itself — feeling sadness, intense grief, longing or reflecting on memories of the person who has died. At other times we focus on restoration — adjusting to daily life, work, routines and the practical aspects of living. Moving between these two processes is a normal and healthy part of grieving. 

Some things that may support you during this difficult time include: 

• Allowing yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. All emotions that arise during grief are valid. Grief is complicated and messy, and there is no right or wrong way to feel.  

• It is normal to feel “out of sorts” after a bereavement. Grief can have a strong impact on our nervous system, meaning you may experience difficulty concentrating, memory fog, restlessness, anxiety or a faster heartbeat, to name a few. Some things that may help regulate your nervous system include breathing exercises, gentle physical movement, social connection with people you trust, and emotional expression.  

• Keeping in contact with people from home if that feels supportive for you.  

• If possible, planning a trip back to your home country to spend time with people who knew the person who has died and who may also be experiencing the loss.  

• Taking part in a ritual that honours the relationship you had with the person who has died, if this feels right for you. This could be anything from planting a tree, raising a glass with their favourite drink, or lighting a candle in their memory. This can be especially meaningful if you were unable to attend the funeral or if the person chose not to have one.  

• Remembering that you do not have to go through this completely alone. Some people find bereavement counselling, support groups or online communities to be helpful and supportive ways of processing grief.  

Continuing Bonds 

Maintaining a continuing bond can be an important and meaningful way to keep a connection with the person who has died. 

This can be done in many ways. Some examples include: 

• Setting a place for them at the table during family celebrations, such as Christmas, birthdays or weddings.  

• Talking about them with family and friends who knew them — sharing stories, memories and photographs.  

• Creating a memory box that may include photos, letters and special mementoes of things you did together or items that were important to them.  

• Wearing a piece of jewellery that belonged to them or reminds you of them.  

• Supporting causes that were important to them in order to continue their legacy, such as donating to a charity.  

• Visiting places that were special to them, or places you visited together.  

  
  

For children, it may be helpful to create a memory jar, decorate memory stones, or keep the person’s memory alive through storytelling. 

In Summary 

Grieving while living abroad can bring unique challenges, but finding ways to honour your loss and stay connected to those who support you can help you navigate this difficult time. 

If you are an expat looking for bereavement therapy in English in the Netherlands, I offer private therapy sessions designed to provide a supportive and confidential space to explore what you are going through. Please get in touch if you would like to know more.